Oh hi. I didn’t notice you there. I was just distracted by a complete stranger having the wrong opinions on the internet.
You know, as a straight, white, financially stable Christian male, arguing online can encompass a significant portion of my day. And if you’re anything like me, let me tell you—congratulations on being a white dude. Turns out it’s awesome. But also if you’re like me, you’ve wondered to yourself “my god, how can I keep up with internet trends? There are so many people I have to pointlessly troll in defense of all my rights I think they, personally, are trying to take away. There’s got to be a better way!”
Well, I’m happy (and by that I mean as happy as a person culturally and societally dispositioned to be in a constant state of outrage can be) to say there now is.
Ah! Mr. Reynoldson. Alright then, Logan, well then you can call me Gary. Did you find the place alright? Good. Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water? Futuristic-sounding nutrient beverage? Well alright then. This won’t be stressful at all. We have very advance hiring practices here in the year 2019, which is a very strange thing to say since there’s no important reason to emphasize that in context to the rest of this conversation, especially one between two people alone in this interview room. In the year 2019. Are you sure you wouldn’t like some colored water in an oddly-shaped glass that is perfectly normal for the present time?